The Quest Of Our Dark, Tormented Souls

I think around 18, the idea was to get to establish what elements of my character I wanted to have/keep/nurture. These of course would later be modified from whatever events would take place and might require a readjustment of reaction standards on my part. Basically, around that time I was flexible and wanted to reach to people so that we could have an understanding of who is who and what we want from ourselves. Looking at it now, it seems awfully optimistic. Which is another take on "naive" I suppose.

At 22, now, I think it's safe to say not a shit is given anymore. I think everyone has ran out of whatever willpower for self-introspection they ever were to have (unless they truly fuck up in which case they might bother to do some self analysis) and no one is really interested in being particularly understood. ~Oh and the world will never understand~. But yeah. We might be interested in being seen as something (but that will be limited to sexy and/or funny and/or rich and/or manly) but not understood as who we are.

All this in a space of four years. Who knows what assholes we will be in another fours years. I think us young people have an immortality complex cause we change so fast (and towards something less and less heroic every time) that we can't possibly fathom living to be old when our mindsets and hearts are already decrepit from indulging to all kinds of easy shit. Shit that doesn't require but a minimum to no self worth. Because let's not fool ourselves for once: "easy" isn't "bad" because it indicates low quality about the thing it characterizes; it's negative because it indicates the one who goes for it doesn't need have any worth. There's a reason the traditional knight slays a dragon. I doubt it has to do as much with the dragon being evil as with the knight proving his WORTH. That he is not just a peasant with a sword. But a DOVAHKIIN. That's it. Fuck all you degenerates. I'll go play Skyrim for ten hours.

The Quest Of Our Dark, Tormented Souls by The Schismarch is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Greece License.

News Of The Past

Two years have passed since the time I was blogging on a weekly basis. All this time I consciously haven't reread my posts. In fact, heh, I am somewhat cringing in the thought of doing this now, not because of what they are but because of whom they reached. So what happened?

Back then Internet was my outlet. A new place to find myself. In the beginning this worked fine. Facebook more than anything became a way to meet new people. Create a new social circle. Everything online was done in order for a new reality to take place; not the already established to go on as it was. In other words, my online activity started as a means to get away from real life relationships that had gone to shit. I don't think I ever perceived the web as a SOLUTION to anything. However, at the time I was willing to give it a chance. I think back before online social activity was considered something everyone casually does and it was in its early stages towards becoming the mega profit monster business it is now there were many people who thought like me. "Hm I might give this a shot. It seems like a fresh way to connect with people who might have the same interests. Who knows."

And then, two years ago, I found myself in the exact same place -only this time I wanted to escape from the online acquaintances. Unfortunately real life and online life blur and they blurred a lot in my case, since many people with whom we were all super-amazing-fucking-badasses-holy-shit-aren't-we-cool online, I got to meet in less than idyllic circumstances in real life much later. Actually, the problem -and I was very aware that this was a problem and it would lead to more problems- was my online etiquette. Virtually no experience with how facebook socializing would turn out to work made me accept friend requests of people I had no particular interest in getting to know and knew I never would. The reason I accepted was my retarded courtesy since they were friends of friends who were relevant. I suppose I should have ignored said friend requests. But then again who knows who might have been butthurt and what other drama might have developed because of facebook of all things. So, one after the other I started accepting requests from people I'd heard about from people I actually knew.

Either way, once you start accepting a persona non grata here and another one there, you soon enough find yourself faking your way with people you borderline dislike. Does this sound conceited? Does it sound arrogant? Well, fuck me sideways if I care! :D ! After all I'm the one who ended up meeting friends of friends who had me "all figured out" by my online activity. And that's the problem. Generally when you meet someone, you have the option to invest in having them know you. However, if it's not just some random person but someone who "knows" you from what second hand information they've heard about you and your ...online activity (!) then there just might be an issue with ever getting to properly know each other. There are just too many preconceptions. Of course, all this is highly personal since the people -> I <- met and the circumstances -> I <- met them in were shit. "Ho ho let me introduce you to my friends" was a major disappointment and I couldn't have reacted in any other way than *silence* once I actually did reluctantly meet the "friends of friends" and quite frankly we couldn't be more different if we tried. Hell, at some point I even got the paranoid idea we WERE trying to be as incompatible as possible. Yes, that bad.

But why was that such a big issue to me? Why didn't I just lol my way out of that social inconvenience and never think about any of it again?
Because. Oh because, because. Because aside from meeting the most incompatible fuck ups possible in a social context where we were all expected to get along, I also met them while I was in a foreign country, where I knew no one and ballsily stayed for a period of a few months for a very specific reason which is another story that had NOTHING to do with them, FUCK, I NEVER WANTED TO MEET THEM, SHIT, WHY DID I. lol. yes, oh so lol.

So let me rephrase with the timeline of this bullshitery:

1. Accepted friend requests of friends of friends online.

2. Knew we had about 0 things in common in reality and there wasn't a way to get around this other than very rare half-assed facebook comments and likes on each other's page.

3. Quite fastly found myself in a network of strangers -to me- who knew each other well.

4. Sudden -> unwanted <- attention to my online activity, including this blog.

Let me explain something here, cause I heard this too (among other faggotries) from one of the strangers/friends of friends when they made a reference to something I had written here.

So, I meet this person blah blah blah they say something about my writing here. I express mild amazement that they are aware of this blog. "Well, DUH, you had it on fb!". At the time, my facebook had been deleted for a year and this blog hadn't been updated for over a year, by the way. I still have to say that it is somewhat strange to meet someone in person and then having them reference something you wrote in a site that you hadn't previously discussed with them. It's kinda creeper status actually. Or I seriously, SERIOUSLY had underestimated facebook "networking" once again. I mean to me it still was irrelevant to hear criticism from someone I just met about something they found out about me from my (long deleted) facebook. Anyway, my reaction to this was "lol, ha ha, yeah". At the same time, the reaction in my head was "oh. You found out from facebook. Which I have long deleted to avoid creepers like you. Nice". And here's my question. Was there any way to try to reason with someone like that? Really? Like what , go like "ho ho, you have this all figured out wrong. You see, since you JUST MET me, you DON'T KNOW me. Ho, ho."
Which only proves how tremendous of a mistake it was to accept friend requests from people I normally would most definitely have not if they weren't a friend's-friend-that-I-might-some-day-meet-in-that-foreign-country-I-have-0-contacts. It must be mind blowing to them that I didn't make facebook posts even considering THEY would be reading them, since I never thought about them in the first place.

5. Deleted social networking accounts/ took a break from blogging.
6. Meeting them years after that short lived facebook "socializing", over a year fb had been deleted, just to regret ever having to do anything with them in the first place, long after it was an established fact that our paths crossing -even in the online world- was a mistake.

The bottomline is that even though I haven't been active online for years, I recently had a series of retarded encounters with brain damaged people who had certain ideas from whatever online activity I had -and they had access to- years ago. So, let this be a heads up to anyone who is considering to weed out acquaintances from their online social network: do it.


This is starting to be quite a long rant. And they really can't read and think for that long. Or do that specific multitask in general, for that matter. Because, you see, once they find out I'm blogging again, they'll flock back again. Probably to dig out another ancient post and psychoanalyze me oh so successfully.

This is directed to 5-6 people total: The shit you've been spreading like your std's have spread around. If we ever meet (again) -hopefully not-, you'll catch the full volume of this FUCK YOU.


P.S. ^.^ future posts will include positive news of this past couple of years, but since this fuckery has been quite recent, I might as well flush it out of my system like the big shit it is, first.

News Of The Past by The Schismarch is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Greece License.

"I'll Be Back

after half a year of blogging abstinence."

A Year Of Schism, Back For More

I'm back.
Back from New Mexico, back from New York, back from the New World. I travelled there for the purpose of asking one and only question and while doing so, I found myself stepping into another person's soundtrack and managing to fuse the music with my cinematics.

When I returned, I knew exactly what I want to do, both in my personal and professional life. In fact, it was so clear, it almost felt as if I was coming back from a stolen foresight of what I want to see myself being and doing.

.............

A year of blogging has passed. Coincidentally, it concurred with the end of an era for me. This new year isn't really new. I, however, am.

Having decisively realised what matters, not only means that I now know what really has no value for me at all, but that everything in my life needs to be reorganised so that priorities will be redistributed, former goals replaced or redefined and past cravings erased. My willpower is focused on bringing to life an explicit model of myself.

This was originally conceived as an academic, professional and financial timetable for the next two years to come, but ever since I returned, I realised that I have subconsciously adopted behaviours which I then turned into my "New Year's resolutions".

The zodiac signs have changed, we are closer to 2012, I actually like 2 Ke$ha songs, but the most groundbreaking thing of them all is that I ...quit smoking ....(!)

One day, I just stopped (in fact there's a half-full pack lying around since that early January day) and have never even thought about smoking again. The time and energy spent on smoking would have to be replaced by some equally b-role activity and since I dodged the nicotine bullet, I thought I should avoid the aspartame one as well. So, I started drinking water in whatever brain pause would be previously accompanied by a cigarette. The result was that I probably am the only person who quit smoking and lost weight. Noticing this, I started taking steps to make sure I would have a sculpted thin-ner body, as opposed to just becoming skinny. Since I was already thin and regularly worked out, the only thing I really had to do was keep up with it and be careful with my diet. At 174 cm / 5.7 feet, I now weigh 48 kg / 106 pounds.

That was all nice and shit, but to fully prove the point of change, one last unexplored territory remained. For years now, I've had and been identified with black, thick, waist long hair. Well, go pick it up the floor now! I got a new haircut, hairstyle and hair colour and I am very pleased with the way it turned out (as far as this particular change is concerned, I will continue working on it for a couple more months, till I get to the ULTIMATE hairstyle for me).

Conscious changes include a 90° turn in social affairs. Still having never done drugs and being extremely against personal experimentations of the kind (key word "personal" -I don't give a shit about what you 're doing to yourself), I am going to very-much-on-purpose sabotage any new, substance-using acquaintances for example.

..Yup, I DO think I'm better than you, I WOULD scoff in your face, we CAN'T all be friends, bite my ass and go pop a pill to deal with the pain.

If the junkie in question is female, I'll probably look down on her 50% more. Apart from being a bag of bones -sticking out in a sickly fashion- with three hair on her head and gollum eyes, this abomination will eventually give birth to a kid. Hopefully, she won't be too high to miss the fact that she became a mother.

To be honest, this naziness of mine is not newly founded. I have always looked down on drug users, but kept that part to myself. In retrospect, I wonder why.

So far, upon stating I do not do drugs, people never offered me stuff a second time, which I perceived as a sign of basic intelligence. Much to my surprise, the only person who glorified drugs to me and tried to offer me some, is someone who knew I don't use. As I said, I was too surprised by my misjudgement of character to react. From now on, anyone who tries to persuade me that drugs are the shit and offers to me while knowing I don't use, will be punched in the face. Period.

Anyway, this is a clear, frank and sharp "fuck off". Trying to justify behaviourisms I would never adopt (and ,in the pre-mentioned case, find disgusting), is something I really want to change about myself. Fuck "experimental open-mindedness", fuck equality and above of all fuck self-induced weaknesses, when it comes to this.

..............

Of course, the most serious and consciously planned changes are the ones regarding the career and relationship aspect of my life. As far as those are concerned, should I continue to feel the same way, I will be leaving everything I know behind, to start a new chapter, in a foreign environment, by the end of 2012.

....As for what exactly took place in America, I guess this will be revealed later on, and ,most certainly, after I stop being tortured by exams, once more. T.T

<- new hair!

A Year Of Schism, Back For More by The Schismarch is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Greece License. All PHOTOS are mine and are NOT TO BE USED WITHOUT PERMISSION.

Douchebaggery, Winter 2010-2011

36 Hours Until DoWi'10-'11 Is Initiated. Tick, Tock.

@#$%T^*(*&^%$#@ @ #$%^!!!!!!! ......20 minutes later, the suitcase looks as if the wardrobe threw up in it and it still feels like the mountain of socks is taking the space of some other lost in oblivion ~something~. I chose the biggest suitcase I had, for this trip, partly because exploring a new continent has awoken feral instincts of immigration and partly because there's always the possibility I'll just buy too much useless shit -which will completely lose its appeal once I get back-.
I look at my suitcase monster with approval; it has wheels so dragging around my socks & stuff shall prove easy.


Character List of DoWi'10-'11

American Douchebag - American Douchebag was one of the protagonists of the prequel (DoSu'10) and since budget is tight, he will again have the leading role of the alpha douchebag male. Being an adventurous monkey, this U.S. manufactured assgoblin ended up in Europe where he met European Douchebag for the holy purpose of starting an international crusade of assholeness. During the process of collaborating in retarded shit and experiencing extreme situations, he proved himself to be an efficient and trustworthy caveman, getting shit done and bringing a certain level of savagery to everything. Fearless and brilliant in a rather retarded way, he resembles an onion in terms of multi-layer personality complexity and also stench.

European Douchebag - Having a more artistic taste in retardation than the American Douchebag, this other Douchebag-protagonist's brain is wired in a pointy unconventional way. Functioning like a mirror in terms of intuitive knowledge of the others and eating many lotuses, are things this Douchebag is notorious for. After a catastrophic ride on the roller coaster of obsessing with perfection and caring too much about this, that and the other, her venture in remaining lizard cool and turning all the past angst into carefully designed plans, succeeded in helping European Douchebag make a comeback in the Hall of Badass (as opposed to depressed) Laziness, well before meeting the American Douchebag; a timing perfect for them to both help each other reach their true potentials. Stubborn and adaptable, she resembles a magician's top hat: either something awesome will come out or a fan-aiming shit-thrower mechanism will be activated and the joke's on you.

Ned The Gun Nerd - Ned the Gun Nerd is an artist, proficient in the arcane physique of the human mind. A cult poet, visual artist and zombie killer, he pacifies the crowds with his pimp vibe. He likes shooting things as a means to balance his explosive creativity and on top of all of the above, he has good hair.

George The Veteran Of Useful Skills - George finally raises the age average of this toon pack, reinforcing it with experience and tried taste. His expertise in the field of movie making has mentally adorned him with a vast gallery of film references and quotes. His exceptional cooking will be put to the test when I arrive, since he has promised a special, custom-made feast (~happiness~).

Oh Mommy - The final boss. The one that determines whether you lose or win the game. The mother of the Douchebag American, in whose house I'll spend a big part of the Christmas holidays... God save us all. God save me, if "all" is not doable. In fact, I think I'll award myself with three war medals for the bravery of this endeavour, right now.
It is true that all the movie in-law related clichés will be put to the test. However, I have a few aces to pull out of my ass and anyway, it's fucking Christmas....hopefully I won't spend it in the garage.


Douchebaggery, Winter 2010-2011 by The Schismarch is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Greece License.

The Troll Bait Has Been Bitten

1. Thou shalt not cuss nor shalt you use derogatory terms.
   


2. Thou shalt not analyze or make reference to real arguments; thy facts shalt be retarded, but the level of thy language expertise high.
   


3. Thy statements shalt be tarot-like generalisations; the more conservative, puritan or stereotypical, the better.
   


4. Thou shalt not bear false witness against anything, but merely declare ~your~ opinion.
   


5. Thou shalt declare such opinion with knifelike, bull's-eye choices of controversial, misunderstood or conspiracy prone concepts and key phrases.
   


6. Thou shalt offer a somewhat irrelevant reason for your mannerisms and have it glide unnoticed after summoning a certain level of fury.
   


7. It is coming.

Start A Sentence With Perhaps

• Perhaps you should read the previous post.


• Perhaps it had to do with Americans and hot potatoes of the American history and culture.


• Perhaps it was about offering them a view of what the rest of the world thinks about the ones not living in big cities ("ignorant cowboys who live in the middle of nowhere"), the same way the Arabs are considered semi-barbarian fanatics or the Japanese weird technological savants with a tendency towards perversion.


• Perhaps it was about bringing attention to the fact that national stereotypes are extremely offensive and not very funny.


• Perhaps it had to do with the fact that no matter if you understand or "approve" of a culture, you have to respect it regardless of whether it's the American one or anyone else's.


• Perhaps the previous post was an ironic, sarcastic bashing of anti-Americans and their narrow-mindedness.


• Perhaps it wasn't about Americans at all.


• Perhaps it was about the fact that no matter how much of an apathetic badass who thinks that his/her country sucks and that the country's government is a pile of shit, one is, if a foreigner pushes the right buttons, the subject will go ballistic -if a native does that, he/she will be considered unpatriotic, by said "apathetic" subject.


• Perhaps you were offended by it and hate my guts anyway.


• Perhaps you should google the definition of the name of this blog.


• Perhaps I don't give two shits about whether you like me or not, because you don't pay me, grade me or are my parent.


• Perhaps you should start paying me, because one day I just might write something you'll hear about. And hear about it again and again, until you can't stand it any longer and wished you were making money off of it.

For business inquiries, please send your e-mails to TheSchismarchBusinessInquiries@gmail.com
Thank you.



The Troll Bait Has Been Bitten by The Schismarch is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Greece License.

If You Are A White American/ African American/ Mexican/ Native American/ Alien* And Not Mortally Offended By Sentence 6, Read To The End

*in order of appearance

[Quick Summary of previous post]
Having flown with Dussenbagen Stukas Airlines of the Proud German Nation for a little less than 20 hrs, I am expected to finally land at an airport of the American Southwest. There, after the typical strip show for @$*?#&! airport security, I will be joined by that American asshole I thought I got rid of after summer and we will proceed in starting to fuck shit up in extreme ass freezing temperatures, once I properly have a beauty sleep. At some point I will have my debut in a circle of his friends ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HrMRmEeCfJM ) and all will be dandy.

The Southwest Marlboro Man In The Eyes Of A European

Years of thorough research (watching movies) have taught me that the people of the Southwest are very hospitable, a bit nosy, great cooks of homemade pies and splendid late afternoon porch banjo players (while black people collect cotton from the fields). I was however notified that the situation has now changed and that now Mexicans seem to be more qualified for manual labor. I have faith in the essential decency of the white man's judgement, so I'm sure this is all for the best -I'll just make sure to follow the proper etiquette by using my whip on Mexicans, instead of being outdated and doing so on African Americans.
American correspondences also notify me that the general area is a bit gang infested -many of which are in fact of Hispanic origins-. Since I am unaware of the local gang names and differences, I will collectively think of them as ~The Chupacabras~ and in case of gun shooting, side with the man who has a silver star on his chest. Just to be safe, I will also practise vital phrases such as "YO NO SOY GRINGA!!", which will be used in a high-pitched, pleading voice if all goes to shit. Generally speaking though, I should be careful of the way I handle my affairs in the Southwest, since everyone there seems to have six friends who run faster than me.


I Hope My Totem Is Not The Cockroach
Proving successful in understanding the delicate balances of racial matters of the American modern-day culture should obviously be easy for me, but I am also interested in learning more about Native Americans. Indeed, not much is taught about the various tribes who proudly used to roam the American plains, in this side of the Atlantic. From what little I know, the Navajos seemed to be some mighty fine asskickers. I just hope I can get something closer to the real deal than a 5$ show or a visit to a casino owned by Indians. I must also refrain from accidentally killing Pocahontas by.. dunno sneezing -a method tested by my, in all accounts soap allergic, European plague-y ancestors-.


Abducting An Alien
But who really cares about all that shit when Roswell is in proximity! U.f.o.'s, cattle mutilations, E.T. phone home and all that jazz in the Mecca of ufologists, New Mexico, are of course a must-see for the thirsty-to-spend-money tourist! In this case, I am not sure as to what sort of preparation I must do, aside from rewatching a few X-Files episodes perhaps. If the truth is out there, then it surely must be out there in New Mexico. I hope they are friendly.


Getting My Ass Bitten By A Rattlesnake
When it comes to the wildlife, North America will offer me the opportunity of learning about species that can't be found anywhere else in the world. IS THIS SHIT EXCITING OR WHAT! I mean, aside from the cultural aspects of the museum roaming, I also want to find out more about their animals and, why not, plants (or combine things by finding out more about the stuff that is smoked in peace pipes).


Explanatory Note
By now, you might have developed the feeling that I'm speaking a bit.. tongue in cheek I dare say. The story behind this is that after the 5 seconds of extreme jealousy and hatred experienced by anyone who hears that I'm travelling to the U.S.A. this winter, they naturally ask "where exactly". When the Southwest is mentioned among the places I'm visiting, a blank stare follows, quickly accompanied by the question "... and what the fuck will you do there??". All of the above is pretty much my answer. Even though I of course am not exactly dead serious, it has to be made clear that if I didn't find North America a very interesting continent to explore, I wouldn't travel there in the first place (economic crisiiis hellooo! -no money for needless faggotries).
I am a traveller by nature since I have been travelling to foreign countries since the age of two and also by choice since I'd literally rather starve for some time if that means saving up money for a trip. Also, whoever thinks that a place, no matter where that place is and no matter if you risk getting shot by ~The Chupacabras~, getting bitten in the ass by a bear or abducted by aliens, has nothing to offer and won't affect you in ways thrillingly unimaginable, is a damn brute and should go back to his cave -'nuff said.
I've wanted to visit the U.S.A. for quite some time now and one way or the other, this IS going to be a life experience. After all, everyone who lives in a western/-ized society might not be a Christian and a democrat...
EVERYONE wants to live the American dream though.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tnepPZChA5U ! :)


In The Next Episode:
-Character Dynamics & Analysis
-Revealment of The Final Boss

If You Are A White American/ African American/ Mexican/ Native American/ Alien* And Not Mortally Offended By Sentence 6, Read To The End by The Schismarch is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Greece License.